Just in time for the holidays, I present a list of ten “people” (in no particular order) that you don’t want to invite to Christmas dinner.
You might be wondering whether or not to invite that annoying uncle that no one likes, or that relative that just can’t seem to hold their alcohol without making a complete asshole of themselves, but just remember, it could always be worse. Now there’s some obvious answers like Hannibal Lecter or the Creeper, but who’s seriously going to invite a convicted murder/cannibal, or a creature that meticulously selects specific pieces of the human anatomy to consume for 23 consecutive days, to Christmas dinner? Obvious bad choice is obvious. No, it’s the quiet ones you have to watch. Continue reading
Poster for The Thing (2011)
Let me start this off by making something really clear. I put “review” in quotations because I’m not technically reviewing this film. I’m not going to give it a score. I don’t think it’s fair, as I’m far too attached to John Carpenter’s film from 1982 to judge this movie in its own right, and I think that will be apparent. If Carpenter’s version never existed, I may have enjoyed this film far more, but since this movie would never have existed if not for The Thing from 1982, that’s kind of moot. Moving on…
I’m going to tell you now, if you don’t want the movie spoiled, you’re not going to want to read this. I’m going to ruin the whole movie for you, but since the movie does a good enough job of ruining itself, I don’t think I’m doing anything too immoral. Besides, for those who’ve seen the Carpenter version, there shouldn’t be too much to spoil, right? We know no one survives, right? Right? Well…maybe everyone dies… Continue reading
Poster for The Thing (2011)
As many of you are undoubtedly aware, there is going to be a prequel to John Carpenter’s The Thing released next week, misleadingly titled, “The Thing”. Already I’ve heard rumblings of those incorrectly assuming it’s actually a remake, and why wouldn’t they, being that it shares the same title, many of the events depicted in the trailer closely mimic those of the Carpenter’s film, and in a chickenshit move by Hollywood, none of the main characters are actually Norwegian…Well you can’t expect Americans to read subtitles now, can you?
So here I’m left with the dilemma of whether or not to give these people my money. It’s known that I’m quite vocally against remakes of classics, especially when they rape the original in it’s mouth, but The Thing is, in my humble opinion, the definitive remake. Now here comes a prequel to the remake, and so there shouldn’t be much for me to complain about…it’s not a remake, right? Continue reading
I was speaking with a friend about remakes last night, and though there were some minor conflicts of opinion, I knew what today’s article was going to be.
(Editors note: There’s an obvious lack of photos for the “bad” remakes. This is purely out of spite because when I searched for screens of the originals, I had to shuffle through the crap remakes to get there. Plus I enjoy the purity of the wonderful photos below.)
Whenever the subject of remakes comes up, especially in the horror genre, there are a few examples I’ll always throw out there as the best examples on the subject; films that get it right on almost every level, and are done so well that they actually improve on the original and become classics in their own right. And then there’s that pile of shit over there with a few sweet smelling morsels, but for the most part, a pile of shit the world doesn’t necessarily need to consume.
John Carpenter's The Thing